Thank you. And worked she was sick of hospitals. Ignore them but do not hold it in. I owe him everything and I decided that Ill be living a life dedicated to love in memory of him. And lots of shipwrecks. Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone. I was sitting there totally blank, I want to cry knowing he wont be able to come home with us but theres nothing, I was trying to processed what happened but I just dont get it. I dont have no desire to date. I am 55 I just cant go on therapy does not help I pray to God to take me and let someone else live. That is the way to go- not go on day after day in torture and remorse suffering a lonely death of your own soul. I read about so many gone within a few months after losing their spouse and think how lucky they are! I feel like Im struggling with no sense of purpose and going no where. Im alone for everything, no friends, no family, just me and my little babies. I have always been a sensitive person and now I am finding I take things too personally and feel hurt or angry. In readdmetion 10 yrs from 1989 ,,2018. The hymns always make me cry and then I come home, make a cup of tea and play more beautiful songs and hymns. I went home with a really heavy chest, I cant wait to tell him in the morning (son used to go to our bedroom and hug him good morning and an I love you dad). You have left me a huge hole that no-one else can fill in my heart. I am 75, married 44 years to the sweetest , caring man one could ask for. How can we possibly ever recover. You Get Really, Really Tense. Occassionally it makes me actually sick. Just reading this now but I too have lost my fear of flying..it seems insignificant in all that has happened. If DATEDIF produces a result in an unexpected format, ensure that no pre-existing format has been applied to the cell. I am just miserable, with no future in sight. I lots my Mum 2 months before my partner and broke my ankle 2 weeks before he died.I have also moved house because he left the house we lived in to his sonhonest!! I met my husband at 16 years old married at 18, we were married 41 1/2 years. Well all be reunited with our loved ones one day. Ive thrown myself into work & remodeling the house, just to try & function & portray that Im normal. I need one that tells me when we will be together again. I lost my sister 19 months ago and I find myself thinking okquick remember as much as you can so you dont forgetits the acorns. I haven't stopped crying since you went away, and I've asked God time and time why you couldn't stay. I lost my mum very suddenly on the 18 January 2017. The next year was so hard. I kept going to work, serving at church, most of the things I had formerly done. Ive felt so guilty since he passed about everything I could have said and everything I shouldnt have said, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Hi my name is Robin and Im having a difficult time 1.5 year post the loss of 1 of 2 of my sisters my big sissysas I called them Lisa passed 9 years ago as she fought 2 weeks in a coma,where I stayed by her side singing to her reading and talking to her as lupus slowly shut down all of her organs.I know she heard me because a single tear rolled down her face while there was still some brain activity but she wasnt coming back and I had to say goodbye to my beautiful loving and kind 47 year old sister who was 9 years older than me.It hit me hard I had no grandparent death to prepare me as I had none my parents were both orphans at the ages of 9.My world changed in October of 2012 in an instant although it didnt hit me right away as I was working 12 hour days as a single mother trying to put my life back together after 23 years of an abusive marriage which failed and we ended up divorcing that December of 2012.I wasnt alone thru that i had Kimberly my other big sissy who was 11 years older than me.We were there for each other to lean on and cry with..comfort. so be it . 17 years, but only suffered the last 2 years as life drained away from him. I dont know whether to clarify dads gf is wrong or just to hold her. Don't." I ask her why she passed away so young and she says, "Stop focusing on what you can't control. Year number 1 I was numb. Dont understand it ? I fully intend to carry this out sometime within 18-24 months. Sometimes I feel its the house we lived in thats keeping me from moving on so I am selling it and getting a smaller place. Four month After losing him, I lost my job. 100 Things That Happen After Your Mom Dies - Couples Therapy Finally I want to say thank you to the lady whose post mentioned being in Lowes and becoming so frustrated that she left. He died September 2016. Its easier but than again it isnt. Why are you tormenting me like this?! love you. , Hi to group, i am exactly a year today of loosing my Beloved Husband, Yes its hard, you dont seem to have any time control, like lunch time dinner time bed time, i have spent this last year sleeping on the sofa, as like i said Time, why go to bed nobody else in the house, nobody saying bedtime, same for food, its not time for lunch nobody else in the house wants lunch, so you plod along, decorating and doing all the jobs my husband could not finish, keeps you going then you wonder why, then the grandkids call in for a sweet or somthing , and you plod on again and have a laugh gor a few moments, then the house is quiet, . I thank God daily for having given me 47yrs with such a great man. From year 2 until now, its not the memories anymore; its the loneliness, the silence, the emptiness Im half the person I was. FREE 15 minute consults available to www.griefincommon.com members. I have lost a GREAT. When he died, a part of me died with him. All of these feelings are normal. So I know that feeling. It was a rough year. Early in 2011, I lost my little brother(31), and a beloved co-worker/friend, and my mother-in-law within 1 1/2 months. Ive lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. Ill keep tip toeing forward and maybe attempt to wave at someone carrying their boulder on the tight rope next to me. I feel like I am broken and never will be fixed. Or maybe its because the more time passes, the longer weve had to live without that person. Its been nine months and not getting easier, why I was trying to see whats coming, when this pain will stop, its so exhausting. I will never get that scene out my head for as long as i live as i froze completely instead of performing CPR like i shouldve (nothing anyone can say to me can change my mind that had i started the CPR 12 minutes before he might have at least had a chance of not being braindead, especially considering that I am CPR certified). Why did he have to be taken away from me? Take Care and Thank You, Your email address will not be published. But my kids have pretty much disowned me wrote me off at showed no respect for me at all and I believe that our relationship together thats my kids is damage forever until I die. Nothing has sidewiped me as my beloved partner partner. Sometimes I find myself asking Did this really Happen? And if the scar is deep, so was the love. I press on, hard with old friends and family who look sad when they us. Crying is healing. I know how you feel because I to,lost my husband two and a half months ago,and wish someone would share something to keep me going without him. She passed suddenly from a heart attack. I cant function with this . It can be from 150 to 180 percent of the parent's full . He was my heart and it was only 4 years and 7 months but he was my everything. WE PROVIDE HIGH-QUALITY VISITORS WITH: I cannot remove all that I know he was going through from my mind. I find comfort in knowing we did everything we could together when we could. Grieving takes as long as it takes, dont set expectations, just let happen. A time we could have reconnected and had some fun after working all these years for that goal. i am finding it more difficult with each passing day . I feel like i literally have a hole in my chest and it makes me unable to breathe. We also experience anticipatory grief, or the feelings of grief while our pet is still living, but we are aware of an . Somewhere down the line, and its different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Jean was born on September 9, 1940 in Wabasha County to Arthur and Rachel (Kruger . But you will grieve the rest of your life. Its been 6 months since my husband passed that horrible Sunday morning. Blurry. Just what can I do? I still cry over losing him, his voice, his jokes, his love. I try to be positive and move forward. He was retired and they always stood at the window and waved me off in the morning. Even though my brother was in the military for twenty four years and had been gone most of the time from the family. I feel guilty for not knowing he has passed for 2 days while I was away at college and Id do anything to see him again. My youngest son lost his battle to addiction Sep 30 2017. Even though we had hospice care, there was so much confusion about what was happening to her and if she was getting the right treatment; there was so much decision-making which is fatiguing; the living room where she slept for the last three months became cluttered with medical supplies and bottles of pills. I deal with people daily and do not like my job. One step at a time, small victories of peace- that is we will make it and live. I just feel this big void in my life and I just I will be never Strange to think I am now living longer them. It is still painful, sorrowful, and lonely. though I am on a constant roller coaster ride. Or how about my whole immediate family thats destroyed. Hearing your story makes me not feel alone. All my siblings have their own families and Im just alone and only wish is to just see them both well again in each other arms to give them a big hug x, I too have just entered the 2nd year after losing my beloved husband of almost 30 years. My husband died 15 months ago as a result of a hiking accident. On top of it all, the flashbacks of seeing him in the pool came often and took me to my knees every time. What your going thru. As I saw him as a father, I now, looking back, think I was rather selfish and am full of remorse. I took for granted that everyones dad was like this, but seeing how my partners dad is, he doesnt even come close, he doesnt come to see our little girl despite living not far, my dad lived for my little girl always asking for her on his almost daily calls and despite his bad knees would be on the floor with her making her laugh. But the grieving does not last all day but while it going on its intense. What signs did I miss that I should have picked up on? When the season ends, I believe that the Lord will reveal the heart of another companion to you. He battled the beast for 21 months and never complained. My husband was a Paramedic, and worked in the emergency department at a hospital. He was my closest friend and confidant. I cant function. So I stay home crying and dont know where my life is going. Just keep pushing onward and live while you are still able to. I keep busy volunteering, taking line dancing class and helping with my granddaughters. I cannot fathom spending the rest of my days balanced on this double edged sword! Keep the cat 's routine the same. not only was he the love of my life he was my best friend he is the one i would have turned to to ask ok, what do i do now..i dont know where i fit in the world now. Im so incredibly sad all day, everyday. Date Duration Calculator: Days Between Dates - Time and Date I have many photos of us of times gone by, and it,s good to see him in happier times, but now I long so much to hear his voice, It hurts to want to hear him again. 17 months since I lost my beloved Father. Obviously the first year is hard everyday life is like a punch in the stomach and the air is sucked so ferociously out of your lungs by the thieving grief, you almost pass out, but because I was used to not seeing him for a couple of months I kept thinking Ill see him soon. I kept to dog and she has helped but is also a reminder of what Ive lost. Why am I doing this. Every day is a challenge just to get through it. We had bought a house, were remodeling it, and then going to sell the house and move out to the country. Well see how the third year is. I feel as though Im nothing. On this day of mourning, you and your loved ones are in our thoughts. I go to the grave site daily. I dont think I could find anyone that could be like him. I know that I will remain his widow, no other man will ever be considered. I dont think I know how to live a normal life and cant really relate to other people . I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. I guess I will always feel this way. We had 19 beautiful years together and 3 children the youngest being 10. I cant finish these details. I still cant believe hes gone. Im a forty six year old widow and had been with my husband eight years. Couple of months of disbelief and struggle. I feel so empty and lost without her. I hope you are living well in the world of the creator. Its worse now that Im no longer numb. I went back to work on March 25th not long after his passing because I kinda freaked out when there was no money coming in yet so back to work I went. I too lost my soul mate and love of my life 17 months ago after 24 wonderful years together. I havent decided if thats true or not yet. I am 76 and my husband of 54 years died unexpectedly 3 months before our 55th anniversary. But tied together since day one.And that was how it really was. We were supposed to grow old together. just realized recently that this will not get any better at all. I didnt get to tell him while looking into his eyes that I loved him so much and him the same with me I wish I could hear him say to me just one more time how much he loved me so. Two months have passed. However, Ive lost my father, mother, cousin whom in my heart was my brother. My younger brother spent his birthday on our sisters funeral. Thats exactly how I have felt! I hate her for that sentence. Lost. I felt I should have paid more attention and have found the money to pay for the tests that would have shown he needed medical treatment. Whatever the truth of mortality is, I wish someone would have told me in those early months that no one else can know or own your love. A white feather flew into my hand out oof the blue. A verse in the song does Its not something you get over, its something you get through anyhow sorry for the long story sometimes it helps. Were in the club that no one wants to join. I just loved my husband so much as we were together 49 years and never spent any time apart. Forgive yourself. You lit up my life, my hopes, and my dreams. And I mean nothing makes me happy anymore. I talk to him Maybe one should not love so deeply, then maybe it would not hurt so much to lose them. It would be rather strange if you did and I think that is so true. She, or rather we , battled cancer for about 4 years and it was a roller coaster . (She just wasnt there no more. I miss him so much. I been trying to get my life in order such as trying to find a job. 5. Thank you. We lived for each other and daily decisions are made with what he would have done. Jean Feils - Post Bulletin | Rochester Minnesota news, weather, sports Though there is one other Uncle, brother of my Mums, he lives in rural Ireland, only has a land line phone, has ongoing mental health conditions. I have me4 a man who I like and makes me laugh. Then reality hits home so hard in the gut, I found my self holding back the tears because one I was pregnant with my 3rd son and second I didnt. The missing her is getting worse. People say that when a door closes, God gives us a window. I was hyper vigilant about every little thing; trying to hold on tight and control everything to keep from going under. She was crying every day on the way to and from work. I have have no words to describe the pain, anybody that is reading this, is reading for a reason, because sadly we are all grieving. She passed away August 2020 . I dont want my dad back. and im back there again crying wishing id made more of that last year. All they bring is grief. xx. It didnt end up good as i hadnt even started to grieve yet. He was my everything. I found pieces of the car the grill, a side mirror, the license plate, etc. He looked after us all and I want him back so I can look after him! I am so overcome with sadness. A year had passed. But I miss my husband every day and feel Im in an impossible situation. The former Bachelor in Paradise star penned a . My faith has sustained me and has grown beyond what thought it could be. And evethough it was most peaceful thing I have ever scene. As if you couldnt have loved him or her as less than a mother or father or a wife. It's been 6 months since my husband passed that horrible Sunday morning. I cook dinners, I help with homework, I give hugs. Passed from pancreatic cancer. The first year was being tired and on high alert I was now dad and mom and single. I feel like Im back at stage 1. I dont mean always, but more often than I expect to. Im now 47. All this time I felt hopeless, guilty, sad, mad, upset, confused, tired, but more than anything miserable. talk about your feelings with out your child hearing but talk to your child about their feelings because that child is hurting real bad too. Comparing him to my late husband. Your skin loses its moisture and its elasticity, so it shrivels up a bit. From and including: Tuesday, October 21, 0200 (Julian calendar in United States.Change Country) To, but not including Thursday, February 21, 2008 (Gregorian calendar). Ive seen it dear. They had a great loss as well My son was larger than life and is missed by everyone who ever crossed paths with him. I never imagined I would grieve so hard. I am just that a misfit. Perhaps Im also very worn out as life has been tough & catching up with me. Brain tumour April 2017 blood clots July 2017 diagnosed with moderate cold August 2017 op for brain tumour Nov 2017 death of mum Nov 2017 deep vein reflux June 2018 he was my rock my life my only ever love and he is gone. Dont put timelines on your grief! He was like a Dad to me since my own wasnt he stepped up and took very good care of me. Someone asked if I was a widow. I never knew I could cry so much and as someone says above, I dont want my anti depressants, its a different mind frame. Everyone talks about how difficult it is to talk about your feelings, due to know wanting to hear it or they think its time to move on. He didnt need to say a word his eyes and actions were everything. I pray all of you that God will wrap his arms around you. Im still trying to somehow soothe their pain, their need and its getting harder by the day. They were able to get a heartbeat, he was on ventilator and all tests everything came back to normal. Like his life was just a blink of an eye.19 year. The first year was numb. Reasons why some tax refunds filed electronically take longer than 21 I laughed hard at that. But the assumption for most is that as long as they can get through that, it should be smoother sailing in the days ahead. I hope my jumbled messy comments can help any who think about self harm. Itll be 2 years in August since my husband passed away and my life has changed forever.I long to join him but know I have to keep going one step at a time one breath at a time. He has been gone for 15 months. Calculate the difference between two dates. This ache in my heart is unbearable I just want to wake up and feel normal not this horrendous heart ache! I will never be a grandmother she worked at pet smart. what I had with Glenna. Nellie, Im so sorry that we have to have these losses as a connection. I took a lot of pills with the intent to never wake up. He had cancer. If you can please,get out there a start to live..it a different life but it needs living. all the time.God bless you. Its becoming real and it sucks. Life is not always what we want it to be and it is hard to comprehend and put into words just how you feel. I empathize with you. I dont have to write anymore. Thank God for His presents in my life along with my Two Dogs that my husband loved so much. My heart is breaking. He was 66. Then Mama died 14 months ago pancreatic cancer. Everything reminds me of him and I find myself distancing myself from people and things that were familiar to us both. I feel hopeless and just want this horrible life to be over. Finding it hard to move one still. I feel horrible. She could not even have a bowel movement without assistance. Wew!! Maybe I am just waking up to the reality that suffering is unavoidable and that pretending away death does a disservice to everyone including myself as it makes me bitter and more resentful. The waves, as mentioned still come but now we feel the need to hide them which isolates us more. She died of COPD. But without them especially losing Kimberly so suddenly I went into flight mode making funeral arrangements this time solo. The memories we've made will go on and on. If only I could go back and do things differently but it still wouldnt change the outcome. But heres my two cents. RKD. He was 45 when he passed I was 43. My Uncle was my Father figure, he & my Mum were very close & he would talk about her regularly. What helped me a little was to think that she was traveling and that she was coming back home in a few days 6 more people passed including my father. Im the only left to help them. For me food was an interesting ordeal. Its not temporary but you will learn to live with it.You have to.I lost my wife of 33 years due to a terrible firearms accident.My uncle is 92 years old and we are very close.His time is limited.I know how you feel! Now that I am starting the second year, I am finding it is much harder to be that strong person that everyone thinks I am. But I think this is probably normal, and its certainly normal for me. She has no idea what this loss feels like, what your love felt like, or what is right for you. And waiting for u. Youll be ok. Keep watching the clouds. Im only 2 months in after the loss of my husband. Two hours later my daughter was wondering why Dad didnt reply all of her texts, she tried calling him many times but no answer, 45 minutes later a cop knocked on our door and told me he was in the ER, I didnt think much of it, my oldest daughter ran to the ER where he was ( we live a few feet away from the hospital) while I am taking care of my then 7 years old son. But what works for any of us is up to us, ourselves. I miss him everyday and I just pray to God that he gives me the strength I need to move forward in life because Im not only living for me. Its been two and a half years following the loss of my husband. It is 660,116 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date.. Or 1807 years, 4 months excluding the end date.. Or 21688 months excluding the end date. Everything seems pointless now after being married for 44 years and now sitting alone. I feel that its not fair to her or myself. If you're a writer, poet, or musician, compose something. I wish you peace. Your story is so touching. I wont say Im sorry for your loss, though I am, I would like to say I am happy for your gain, in having a love that deep in the first place and still holding it close. I thought getting through the first year would be the hardest but as it turns out year two is just as bad.